Equations

Why ex…?

I don’t need her. If SHE wants to come back to me, so be it.

We never hit it off anyway.

I wonder how we got together.

Our relationship was an unusual problem.

That’s why I never went looking for my ex.

My thoughts were interrupted, “… find the value of x, students!”

Ho-hum

Women and Mathematics – haven’t understood both.

Character

“Sir… don’t fire him, please. He’s such a nice guy. Always cheerful, and a great team member. The girls say he’s a ‘take-home-to-meet-parents’ guy.”

“He has to go! What good has he done for the company anyway?”

And absent-mindedly, I said aloud, “It’s not who you are underneath, it’s what you do that defines you.”

Oh really?

I don’t think so…

Privacy

Teeth, brushed. Breakfast, had. Paper, read. TV, watched.

If the events of last night were anything to go by, this was a very mundane morning. Nothing was happening.

She checked Twitter. Saw a picture and this tweet: THATZ ME GIVIN HEAD TO MAH GF! LOLZ!

She laughed… then realised. It was her boyfriend. And her.

Sex tape

You can run, but you can’t hide…

Drama

Tags

,

He circled his deadliest enemy carefully. How should the attack be? Quick finish, or a slow, painful death? Decisions, decisions…

Suddenly, he said out loud: “…And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you! Ezekiel 25:17!”

He threw his fork away and stuffed the revolting spinach down his throat.

Chomp chomp

Here’s looking at you, kid.

Free

“HIRE A PRIVATE DETECTIVE!”
“No, no, just leave him and he’ll come to his senses.”
“I’m telling you, call the lawyer…”
“Are you mad? First make sure!”
“I say take a gun and BOOM! End it!”

I didn’t know what was worse. My cheating husband or these women. Did they have no work to do?

FREE! FREE! FREE!

So here’s what you should do…

Kill

This was the first time they were going out. He waited endlessly for her to get ready. “Hurry up!”

“In a minute darling!”

She came out… he wished she hadn’t.

“What ARE you wearing…?”

“It’s called FASHION!”

The moment they entered the party, all boys stared at her.

Where’s that gun when you need it?

Haww

How do I look, darling?

Sin

Lustful sex with one goddess wasn’t enough for him.
His greed wanted more. And he got more.
But gluttony gave way to sloth. He passed out – of sheer exertion.
The goddesses left him for better men. How he envied them!
His pride was hurt, his wrath sought vengeance.
But God passed His final judgment.
Death.
Mmmmmm

All of this, for what?

Anger

Snip. Tear. Cut.

Rip! Crack! Crush!

GRIND. POUND. HAMMER.

WHACK! BLAST! BOOM!

Arkham Asylum was torn to shreds. Out came Killer Croc and Bane.

“Where is BATMAN?” they screamed in unison.

“I’m here…” said Batman, behind them.

Just as they were about to battle, I heard, “COME DOWN AND HAVE DINNER RIGHT NOW OR ELSE!”

Arrghhh!

Are you coming down or not!?

Stories

He searched frantically. Like a madman, he barged into houses unannounced, searched under coffee tables, climbed like a thief through windows and frisked people.
When the police finally caught him, they asked, “What the hell were you searching for?”
He showed them a scrap of paper that read – ‘and so he lived happily ever after.’
Story telling

Does life have happy endings?

Pure

“No…

Are you kidding…?

Nah, not hot enough…

I’ve had better…

I don’t think so…”

He stopped midway through the line-up.

“I like that…!”

“Yes sir… perfect-bodied 16-year old… hasn’t been touched. She’ll cost you…”

“Money is no object.”

Who wouldn’t want a bottle of the world’s finest whiskey, aged in American Virgin Oak casks?

Smooth

Virgin Oak casks